Life on Trial

Two years since I have last had cancer in my brain. Since it was the first time for it to visit there, full brain radiation was the way to go to treat over 50 lesions. After 2 years you have a far less chance of it coming back up there. Unless you’re me! Then it doesn’t matter! So here I am with it again with a ridiculous amount of lesions and this time with swelling on the brain. The problem being, I am maxed out of brain radiation and Cyber knife is not an option. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Cyber knife, it’s essentially targeted radiation that focuses on one lesion causing problems. Since many are causing swelling, it can’t be targeted.

Now What?!

I am 29 years old and I feel good. I am not ready to go. Since I have been fighting this beast since January of 2012, I feel like I have acquired a lot of information about treatments and how to help other patients understand what they are going to be walking through. One thing I have learned is that MOST chemotherapy treatments do not cross the blood-brain barrier, which means the brain goes untreated. (In recent studies,  metastatic breast cancer, small cell lung cancer and melanoma have proven otherwise.) Knowing that chemo to the brain is not as effective as radiation is, I felt pretty hopeless. Don’t get me wrong, I am still absolutely terrified, confused, overwhelmed and if one more person tells me to pray on it, I am going to crack into a million pieces. Pray on it? Uhm hey God, why are you curing 84 year olds and sticking me with this crap every couple of months? No I think I will focus on my faith, knowing this isn’t  anyone’s fault and for the sake of my lifeline hope and pray that there is something after this. To say my faith is wavering is quite the understatement. I appreciate all of the prayers that I receive via social media and in person, but in my mind right now, I feel lost.

The Trial….Maybe

driven_crazy blog

Like I have previously said, once you think you understand this cancer thing, it’ll throw you for a loop and remind you that you are not in control of this. Thankfully I have been blessed with amazing nurses, doctors and support. Very crucial elements for even starting this journey, let alone staying semi-sane throughout it all!

I will be at UNC which is 2 hours away from my home. Good thing I love my new car! Sidenote: She is beautiful and fun to drive! Her name is Tyra because she is fabulous!


So back to the trial details. First, they tell you all about how it will work and how often you will have to come in for it. THEN once you feel comfortable they tell you that OH WAIT you have to be approved for it through numerous scans, blood work, treatment history, and so forth. If  one teeny tiny thing is off, you are no longer eligible. Just like that. Which for me, is the most nerve-racking part. At this point in my fight, my options are dwindling and to be honest, clinical trials are exciting for me. They are the future. Even if my cancer turns out to be completely unresponsive to the medicine given, I am contributing to the future of cancer care. To me, that is so  so worth it!!! Right now, I am awaiting my appointments to make sure I qualify. This could take up to a week and then hopefully we will be moving forward and starting day 1 of the treatment cycles.


is the worst place to be, and currently where I am at. Waiting for testing. Waiting on answers. Waiting to see if this will be even work. This is what I consider the definition of faith and hope.  Keeping faith in God and the trial’s results and hope that I am able to get in and my test results turn out to be what they require. 


If you are facing a possible clinical trial or you are interested in participating in one, good for you. Make sure you bring  a notebook to the appointment and really really read the paperwork that they are giving you. Highlight, ask questions, make sure you are connected with a nurse or patient advocate that will be able to reach your doctor if and when you have further questions. Since this is all new to me, I will be sharing all the new information that I receive, so buckle up! On a new journey we go!!!


Psalm 103:3 (NLT) He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.

REMEMBER You have a story too and there are no two that are alike! If you would like to share your story or be featured on The Fabulous Fight please feel free to comment, e-mail me or find me on Facebook at The Fabulous Fight facebook page!


LOVE TO MY FIGHTERS!!! Keepin’ it Fabulous one moment at a time!!!

Valentine’s Day

When I lived in New York City at the ripe age of 19, I was far more concerned with my career and my future stardom, rather than love. Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that I never really celebrated, and romantic kind of boys were never really my type. 

All of a sudden I am in a big girl world making big girl money and having big girl friends. Watching my friends get Gucci bags and Lou Boutin shoes for Valentine’s day. I grew a little envious, but remembered that I wasn’t New York City. I was a Michigan girl who fell in love with a simple Michigan boy. He could tell I was sad one year for this day, and met me outside of Henri Bendel, where I worked on the top floor at Frederic Fekkai Salon, with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Next to the Prada boxes and the extravagant dinner plans that took over the topics of the day in the salon, I was almost embarrassed to even tell anyone about my flowers. 

Fast Forward

Okay, that was… almost 10 years ago. Today is Valentine’s Day and we are now in our 30’s/ late 20’s with a beautiful 5 year old daughter. We have yet to leave our pajamas, and quite frankly, Alec and I were up all night cleaning up vomit from a sick Cambria. How romantic. After we brewed a pot of coffee at 3:20am, because we knew the thought of going back to bed was comical. We simply looked over at each other while Alec was cleaning the floor and I was holding back our daughter’s hair, and said at the same time, “Happy Valentine’s Day.” We both started laughing. 

10 years it has taken me to realize this is my perfect way to celebrate love. Anyone can buy someone a gift. Although a Gucci bag would be nice, it really means nothing. Yes it shows that you most likely make a good living, it means nothing when it comes to commitment and emotion. It means nothing when you are celebrating love. Think back of the girls that you always thought received the best Valentine’s gifts and tell me if they are still with that person. Chances are they probably aren’t. Now when I say celebrate, I use that word loosely. We don’t really celebrate it at all, which works perfectly for the both of us. I can’t stand mushy guys and flowers smell bad.. so there really isn’t an attraction to that day for me.  

As it gets closer to dinner time, I look over at Alec doing his holigraphic R2-D2 puzzle, Cambria sleeping on the couch, and I realize… This is my perfect holiday. Team Swartz Trilogy. I don’t need things. I feel more love thinking back to the times when Alec had to bathe me and watching him now on his knees cleaning up vomit at 3am from our daughter. I realize that we are one of the lucky ones who learned how to laugh through the pain and hold hands through the struggle, realizing that whichever way we were going, we were going together. We don’t get each other cards, because let’s be honest, they get thrown away. If I want to go out to dinner, we don’t need a holiday to do it, and most times it’s more entertaining with our daughter. You can’t throw out memories. The flowers from 10 years ago are long gone. The memory of him trying to do the best he could because he knew I was sad, but we were dirt poor, remains. Through our struggles with following our dreams and simply being young, I can’t tell you what kind of furniture we had or if we even had any sometimes, but what will remain in my heart always is how hard we laughed when we sat there and looked at each other, not having a clue about how we would get out of whatever situation we were in. It was always an adventure when we were together. It didn’t have to be romantic. Life itself was entertaining enough for us.  What I realize now, is yes marriage is hard, but love is not. Love is safe. Effortless. Love is that feeling when I look back on my life and don’t remember life without Alec. Love is waking up to our vomiting 5 year old and being able to still look at each other while cleaning up and make a joke. Laughing through the struggle. Knowing that no matter what life throws at us, it will be an adventure.

Now I am not saying Valentine’s Day is silly for all who celebrate it. Just remember that when you scroll through facebook or instagram and see all the pictures of the jewelry and gifts that your friends received today, life isn’t measured this way. It is measured by love….real love and memories. If this is my last Valentine’s Day on earth with my family, this will be the best one yet! Remember to celebrate people you love everyday, don’t wait for a special moment.

The Invisible Fight

What is invisible pain you ask? The behind-the-scenes of the fight. Invisible pain is what you go through to find what you are made of. It’s the pain you hide, whether physical or emotional, every day. Invisible pain creates a fighter or a flighter, an overcomer or a victim. It exposes all of your strengths and your weaknesses. It’s the part that no one sees.


You wake up in the morning, feeling the ache in your bones and the rush to your head. You know you need to get up, but you are already questioning how you are going to get through this day. Make sure you get your child to school on time, get to work on time, get the laundry and dishes done. Come on now, people are relying on you. You lay there in your bed, trying to push defeat to the side. Wiggling your toes, feeling the pins and needles of neuropathy. You wiggle your fingers, feeling the dry skin from your current chemotherapy treatment. You swing your feet over the end of your bed and you sit up, stretch and start the morning. You walk downstairs to start your coffee and turn your daughter’s light on in hopes she will hop out of bed, get herself dressed, teeth and hair brushed and ready for school. You remember she’s 5 years old. Not only do you need to make sure that she gets to school on time, but you need to be to work on time. Work is what makes you feel part of society again. A “normal” task in this whirlwind of a life you have. So you put on black dress pants, find a shirt and stack the bandaids up on the bottom of your feet, so the tiny little cuts from your dry skin don’t interfere with your cute shoes. You take pride in your job and therefore always want to look like yout life is peaches and you have it all figured out. You run upstairs and get your child dressed, hair and teeth brushed, shoes and coat, backpack…. OH your coffee and your work bag and out the door you go! The teacher asks how you are doing, and you smile and say “I am doing great how are you?” Kiss your child goodbye and on the way to work you go. Put on a smile, forget what is going on inside of your body, turn your computer on and get to work. You ignore the auras that cross through your eyes because at one point you were diagnosed with over 50 brain tumors as well as cancer in both of your eyes, leaving you blind in one eye. You read what you can and assume the rest. Get the job done, feeling pretty proud that you are such an efficient and reliable worker and carry on. Overcomer. No one made you get out of bed. No one turned in your application for a job. You did that. You chose to overcome. You wake up every day to the same routine, smiling your way through the day and being the best person you can possibly be. You don’t fall victim to what has been handed to you because what does that change? Then you are alive but not living. Overcomer. The strongest people in the world. The most hopeful people in the world. The ones who try their damnedest to remember how to laugh.  Although you deal with this internal battle, you make sure you remain a part of the outside world. You have days of doubt, grief and depression. On those days, you hibernate and pick yourself back up after a day you wish to never return.


Another week away from your family, but it’s worth the drive and the stay because you want that miracle. You decide to fight and receive brain radiation with all odds against you. You realize it isn’t even a decision, you have to. You have a family. You have moments that you need to be there for, so although low, it’s worth the chance.  Your family comes and visits on the weekends, and your hope is renewed. You CAN get through this. You WILL have good results. You lay in bed at night, dreading the night because now you have time to think. You cherish the night and the moments you experience, because more than once, you were certain that tomorrow wasn’t coming. Sometimes wishing it wouldn’t. You have felt like a burden and that giving up would be easier for your family. You forget what a big part of the team you are, and focus on how much help you need and don’t want.

You get the good news that radiation worked and you celebrate as your teeth are now breaking off and falling out, but HEY! You don’t have cancer! Now a whole new stress comes along and you spend thousands of dollars on dental restoration and as each bill arises you feel yourself growing angrier and angrier. “If I never had this stupid cancer, I wouldn’t need to spend this kind of money. I hate this.” You need teeth pulled, but finding someone who isn’t afraid to touch you is harder than finding a needle in a haystack. So you fight the pain. You take medicine and work with oils to null the pain enough so that you can go to sleep. Feeling teeth falling out of your face everyday and wondering what my cancer has to do with wisdom teeth… as your oncologist wonders right along with you. Frustration arises and you realize your hands are tied. The search continues. Fighter. You search. You research. You experiment. You cry. You get angry. You get back up when its the last thing you want to do. You encourage. You realize your battle is far from the worst and although you have been through this multiple times, you empathize and receive more determination to fight from others. You embrace the family that you never wanted to be a part of. You speak out. Some will think it’s for attention. Others will know that the true mission is to help someone else have it a little easier. Go into this battle with a little more knowledge. Teach the tricks. Support. You always have time for what your true passions are. You get a surprise visit at work from a patient you sat with during her treatments. Listened to her concerns and fears. Prayed with her and her family. She walks in to your office, with tears in her eyes and announces her scan is clear. It feels as satisfying as hearing that you yourself received the same news. You hug her, scream with her, kiss her and celebrate the next part of cancer. Recovery. Your support changes. You ensure her that IF it returns, she will be fine. She has watched you fight and heard your words, and for that reason, harnesses a little less fear. Fighter. Selfless. Strong. Encouraging. Sometimes Jealous. Sometimes weak. Never broken. Fighter.

Invisible pain is the hardest to fight. Hardest to overcome. It’s a mental game whether you want to play or not. It’s what promotes the comment from others, “oh well you don’t look sick at all!” I personally like hearing that, but I understand the frustration that some feel. Invisible pain is what pushes your buttons. Rethinking the point of fighting when you are just going to die anyways. Fighting through the hurt emotionally and physically for the hope of maybe just maybe you will be able to keep your head above water long enough for them to figure this all out and take it all away. Invisible pain is watching someone celebrate their new baby and although happy for them, you are frustrated and feeling broken because you’ve been told that won’t happen for you. You hold your head up and for the sake of karma, you take part in the celebration, hoping for that itty bitty shot that it might happen for you. Invisible pain is what no one sees. What no one hears about. What every single fighter has experienced. It doesn’t even have to be cancer.

This isn’t a pretty or fabulous post, but cancer isn’t pretty or fabulous. What makes the fight fabulous is you. You are the future of treatments. You are part of a revolution. You were chosen for this shitty circumstance, but you are strong enough. You are not a victim. You are not a flighter. You are an overcomer. A freakin’ FABULOUS FIGHTER!!!

I thank you for reading, following, sharing and most of all fighting!

Love ya!








Chemo Pills & Pre-K

Since I had last written, I have moved into a new house, started a new job, I have been published in a real book! The most bittersweet, my baby is starting pre-k….. and oh yea I started chemo again.

Cancer just cannot take a hint! So yet again here we are, my newest scan showed tumors in my upper and lower lobes of my left lung, as well as activity in my bones again. Beyond frustrated when I heard the news. My doctor calls and tells me that I can come and pick up my chemo pills anytime that day. Wait… chemo PILLS?! WHAT! All of a sudden my news turned into curiousity and once I picked up the pills it grew into a mind blowing moment! So I just take these pills and that’s it?! No needles? No shots? No 4 hours in the blue chairs? Okay… if you say so! To say I was skeptical is an understatement.


My routine for chemo, now until the end of time, is 4 horse pills in the morning and 4 horse pills at night. They aren’t that bad… unless you take in the nausea, mouth sores, and random crashes where my couch looks like the biggest yummiest bar of chocolate ever made and the next thing I remember is waking up face down, 3 hours later. Besides all of that, it is amazingly convenient! Thankfully I have responded positively to every single chemotherapy treatment and this one is proving to be no different! I counted the other day, and in 3 and a half years, I have received…. 10 different chemotherapy drugs. Cancer is a coward who loves to play hide and seek. It’ll run away as soon as it sees the enemy coming, but pops up the minute my chemo takes a vacation. Not cool.


Yup that’s right. I am officially in a real live book! Sold on the shelves and on and It still blows my mind! I can’t wait to see how many people this captivating book touches. It’s really about Mrs. Renae Green’s journey on this Earth. I happen to be a part of it and she quotes an entire blog post! I know God has a purpose for our pain, but this is like the biggest trophy ever! Yea I write a blog, but a book! A book can reach so many! I can’t wait to see how our puzzle pieces speak to the world!

Moving houses, in my opinion, is zero fun. Moving houses with cancer is just plain frustrating. Moving 4 blocks away just puts the icing on the cake. One thing about military living is that you don’t really own anything. I sometimes wonder if I should ask for permission to see my husband on the weekends! Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of positives, but mandatory moves are not one of them! Thankfully we have an amazing family that came and helped us paint, pack, move, and unpack. So our life is back in order and I am loving my house. Remember that hand print door I posted about a while ago? I took it. That’s right. It moved with me! I may not own our home, but that door is going where I go! I plan on turning it into a table top… as soon as I get it done, or started for that matter, I will definitely share pictures!

Girl gots a job!!!! I am actually really excited about it. Definitely taking it slow, but it’s fun to have a little taste of normal in the mix. I work at our YMCA as part of the wellness staff. I basically watch people work out, make sure they are doing it correctly and then I sit and fold towels. It’s easy and I love the people I work with as well as the members that come in! I did acquire a new perspective about life, just by getting to know the members. Everyone has a story. I have met a woman who has died three times and was hit by a truck. She is on the elliptical every day. There are other cancer fighters, people fresh out of prison, people who are embarking on a clean life from drugs or alcohol. Oddly enough, I wouldn’t trade my fight with theirs. We all go through our own journeys for a reason, and just like Renae Green’s book says, we all make one beautiful puzzle in the end.

My goal while I am at the YMCA is to bring the Livestrong program to help fellow cancer fighters understand physical health, mental health, and nutrition. Right now I am in the process of getting to know the program and meeting with people around North Carolina that already teach it! Another goal of mine is to introduce Thrive Yoga. If you haven’t heard of it, check it out. I love love love it and cannot say enough good things about it! It’s a yoga program that works with people fighting cancer, as well as survivors. It shows how to stretch out cording from breast cancer surgery. If you aren’t feeling well that day, she goes through a relaxation and meditation session. If you are fighting any type of disease, this is for you! I have to receive my yoga certification first, which may take a while and is expensive but worth it. Although I am dying, I will have goals until my last breath!

I saved the hardest one for last. My baby has started school. I have realized that this is it! For the next… 15 years-ish this will be the routine for her! It’ll never be the same! The hardest thing I did was drop her off to her classroom on the first day. I texted her teacher the night before, and again at 5am telling her I don’t think I can do it. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep that night. Through everything, it has been Cambria and me. When Alec was at basic training and technical school, through my diagnosis and surgeries. On my good days. On my bad days. Where I go she goes. She’s my best friend. What am I supposed to do for those 6 hours without her? What really scared me was knowing I was dropping her off in this crazy world and leaving her there. She is my entire reason for life. My reason to fight, and in a second someone could take that all away. It is absolutely terrifying. Her teacher sent me text messages every hour that day, and told me how she was doing. I am forever thankful for her!

So we pull in the parking lot for her first day. She is barely awake because she is night owl like her mama. She picked out her favorite black sparkly skirt and her Eiffel tower shirt the night before. I pull into my parking spot and turn around to look at her in her carseat, still snuggling up to her blankie and holding her “daddy bear.” I say to her, “Are you ready for school?!” Immediately, she perks up and unbuckles her seat belt. She hands me her blanket and makes a bee line to the door. Honestly, this comforted me a little to know that she was so eager to begin her day with her new friends. We took some pictures and away she went!

I came back home and sat on the rocking chair in the living room and thought to myself… what do I do now? I decided to make some coffee, put my feet up and watch a show that wasn’t a cartoon for once! At the end of the day, I picked her up and she was so excited to tell me all about her day and her new boyfriend. I had to pinky swear NOT to tell daddy! I swear… that child.


I realize that I am one step closer to my original goal after my stage 4 diagnosis. I told my doctors that I want to see my daughter start kindergarten. Time has flew and it’s only one school year away… Despite statistics, prognosis, and theories, I WILL see my daughter go to kindergarten. I am on chemotherapy for life to try and keep my cancer under control, and it has helped me to slow down and enjoy the moment. I was already doing that, but life was getting away from me. There is so much we miss and don’t even realize it. Ask your child about their day. Make little things your priorities. Be selfish sometimes. Mostly, find a reason to smile each day.

Thanks to my dad, we are taking Cambria to Disney World this year! She has no idea and we don’t plan on telling her until we are at the airport. It has been a dream of mine to take my princess to the best place on earth and it is finally happening. Another bullet point in my book of moments. Even if it’s just going to the park, create moments in your life. With your friends, your family and even yourself!

Thank you for your patience while I have been away and mostly for your ongoing support. I love you all so much! Now FIGHT ON MY FABULOUS FIGHTERS!!!!

“You’re not done.” – God

“You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery..”

In fear of rejection, I have not fully opened up about my story with cancer. With God. However, after 4 years of fighting and telling my story, God has called me out. My feet may fail me right now, but it wasn’t a choice. It was a demand. In fact, my thoughts interrupted my morning workout today and I had this sense of urgency to go home and write now. I listened and here is my unedited post. 

Yesterday I was cleaning out my daughter’s bookshelf and I found a journal. I opened it and found an entry I wrote the day I was diagnosed. At that time I was pagan and worshiped the universe through meditation. Awaiting the testing, I sat in my bedroom and meditated. When I closed my eyes, something different happened. I envisioned that I was walking down a path. I was barefoot. As my entry goes, I climbed a tree and found a tree house, where I felt at home. I had to choose whether I was going to fly or fall. I looked down to see my family there with their hands out. I wrote how I was surprised to actually see some of the faces down there, as I am not close to some of my family members. I fell. I tried very hard to fly, but I couldn’t … I fell into my family and they set me down gently and I started to walk. I wrote in this journal how very odd it was that I couldn’t fly, as much as I wanted to, it was impossible. I wrote about how  I am a strong and determined person, but I fell. I didn’t understand it when I wrote it on January 6, 2012, but Today June 9,2015 I realize it was quite the foreshadowing to my life. I was fighting for what I wanted and being shown what I needed. I shook it off and went to my appointment. As we already know, breast cancer it was.

What happened next was something I was also fighting. I returned home, dropped to my knees and prayed. Surprising myself. I talked about this before, how I felt a pressure on my back when I tried to get up off of my knees. I obeyed the pressure and stayed put.

Fast Forward 

Since then, God has spoken to me in different ways. Yes I said it, God has spoken to me. Do I hear a booming voice from the sky? No, but that would be pretty cool wouldn’t it?! It was more or less an intuition type feeling, but words were placed in my mind that I alone would never think of. I have had to battle with cancer now 4 times. Every time it has reared its ugly head, I knew before the scans. Every time, I had this gut-wrenching feeling, much different from a worrying feeling. I would start to beg God once again to speak to me. Tell me what to do. Tell me if I were going to pull through or not. I needed to know. No matter how hard I begged, He wouldn’t tell me. He gave me a sense of peace though this last time. It wasn’t that I was going to be okay, it was simply peace of mind. This last fight with cancer was by far my scariest, and I was actually read as code blue at one point. I hear all of these stories about people who see bright lights or hands. I saw nothing. In fear, I once again found myself in prayer, asking God why I didn’t see anything. Here I am 27 years old, I felt like God had turned His back on me already because I was dying. Why would a God who is loving do this to someone? And then leave them guessing?! I kept pondering this thought and grew so angry, that I called my pastor and used some choice language, professing that there is no God. 

I was now at my worst. Wheelchair bound with a 3-6 months prognosis. Angry is an understatement. For the world though, I kept smiling. Kept saying God is good. Kept talking about faith. It was a lie. I was angry. I was heartbroken. Inside, I wanted nothing to do with God. One night I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Screaming inside for God to just take me if He was really there or I was going to take myself. I had given up. I went to church. I was baptized and reborn! I led people to Him and strengthened their faith by hiding my struggles. I prayed. I begged. I fought. I was done.

For the first time since 2012, I felt that pressure that I had once felt on my back. I opened my eyes and exhaled. I heard “I am not ready for you yet.” What does that even mean?! There’s more?! I laid in bed and cried. As days passed, I kept hearing this over and over in my head. I am not ready for you. Believe it or not, I started to feel even lower. I pulled away from people and started to plan my memorial service. I felt like a burden and I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I was getting chemo one morning when I heard a new answer to my prayer. ” I will take you, but you are not done.” My first thought was, when have you cared if we are done on earth or not?! You take children! You take mothers… fathers….they aren’t done either. As my anger started to melt away, I realized what He was saying to me. My mission is not over. Although I am writing this right now and still am unclear about my mission, I am certain that I am not done. He is not done.

My joy started to slowly return. My confidence built up again. I returned to church. I took notes on the Word. I felt my faith starting to bloom again like a flower. I stopped swearing at God. The smile was genuine. The speeches were real. I still was unclear about what I was still doing here, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need to know anymore. I had peace with life and I had peace with death.


“Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves”

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me. You’ve never failed. Well I couldn’t dispute that feeling. I mean after all, He did restart my heart through the hands of doctors. I could’ve been at home, but I was already at UNC for treatment. Convenient or God’s plan? God has given us all free will. Whether you trust Him or not, that is a choice. The choices you make are why you are where you are in life. I am not talking about disease and ailments. Loss or divorce. I am talking about your attitude. Your outlook on life is because of how you chose to wake up and what you choose to believe. 

I am a Christian. I am a believer. I am a sinner.

I have seen angels. I have had things happen to me that I will never be able to explain. I am not Catholic, however I have seen St. Michael. In my living room. You may think I have lost my marbles. At times I am right there with you! This is the truth to my fight. The reason behind my emotions. The fire behind my faith.

I am not perfect. I do not have a pretty life. Being Christian doesn’t fix your issues. It gives you a glimmer of hope at the end of the road. Knowing this isn’t it. This isn’t home. I believe that God will see all of us through. He will heal the sick. Sometimes healing is dying. Sometimes healing is not how we want to be healed. I choose to follow. I choose to walk upon the waters where feet may fail. I ask Him to send me. I try to reach the unreachable. I pray for words. On my days that I still get down about life and how it will never be how I wanted it, I pray to see the light in my life. The blessings. The bigger picture. It doesn’t always come right away, but He will see me through.

I will probably always be skeptical even still. I am human. I do know that I am here by the grace of God. This blog was God’s will and I pray that He will continue to send me into unknown waters.

True faith is believing in and trusting God in spite of appearances.

Thank you for allowing me to open my heart and I hope you find confidence to do the same! God bless you and FIGHT ON!!!

Quotes are from the song Oceans by Hillsong United.

An Apple A Day….



Wow! It feels good to be back!

I recently found out that I am cancer free! Against all odds!!! Apparently, it took some time for it to sink in for me…. I don’t know about you, but going from planning your memorial service to having the world at your finger tips again takes a little adjusting! As a Christian, I know how I was healed. As a human, I know what I was lead to and what has helped me feel better! The last post I wrote (feels like a century ago) was about the essential oils. Which was fairly easy to post, as I had all of the research in my lap… this one is a little trickier.

It feels as if every time I turn around, there is a new “cure-all” diet or cancer-fighting vegetable or fruit. What’s even more frustrating and overwhelming is when you decide to try it, go out and buy 102 mangoes and the next month, it’s all about grapefruit! Sometimes I feel as if I can’t keep up! So if you only remember two things about this post and nothing else, remember that …




So first and foremost, I am going to address the elephant in the room and I am going to name her Sugar. There have been a lot of different studies on whether or not sugar causes cancer. Well let’s just be honest, what doesn’t cause cancer nowadays?! According to Mayo Clinic, Sugar doesn’t make cancer grow faster. All cells, including cancer cells, depend on blood sugar (glucose) for energy. But giving more sugar to cancer cells doesn’t speed their growth. Likewise, depriving cancer cells of sugar doesn’t slow their growth.

This misconception may be based in part on a misunderstanding of positron emission tomography (PET) scans, which use a small amount of radioactive tracer — typically a form of glucose. All tissues in your body absorb some of this tracer, but tissues that are using more energy — including cancer cells — absorb greater amounts. For this reason, some people have concluded that cancer cells grow faster on sugar. But this isn’t true.

So there ya have it. One thing that our elephant Sugar can do, is make you look just like our elephant friend! Do you know where cancer is stored? Yup. In fat cells, so the less you have, the less places it has to set up it’s camp. Here’s a shocking fact, FATS DO NOT MAKE YOU FAT!Two of the best fats you can consume is olive oil, which is great for cooking with. You can also pour a spoonful and swallow it. Avocados are another great resource. Both olive oil and avocados are regulars when I make a salad.

Certain fruits and vegetables harvest natural agents that help the body detoxify from the daily ick and repair cells at a faster rate. The trick with cancer is that cancer cells act the same as healthy cells. They are the body bullies who suck up all the nutrients before our healthy cells can get to it. Don’t know what to eat? For starters, stick to the outside of the grocery store. If you have ever noticed, the salty snacks are usually in one of the central isles. The more inward the isles, the more you should stay away from it! I know that the FDA recommends following the food plate diagram, but this has been disproved by more research teams than I can post. The problem being who is funding this “My Plate” idea. Unfortunately, even our food is an industry.

So what do I eat? Stick with lean meats such as chicken breast, turkey, fish such as Salmon and tuna. Most importantly EAT YOUR VEGGIES!!! I know I sound like your mother right now, but she is right! You need meat for a whole protein because it is important for us fighters to have as much energy as we can. Lean meats such as these are fat killers and close down many campgrounds for our dear friend Cancer. Veggies!!! Your plate should be mostly veggies! Why? Because these have the most anti-oxidant properties and aid in digestion. Make it colorful but mostly green! If you are neutropenic, meaning your levels are low and you are told to stay away from fresh fruits and vegetables, frozen vegetables are just fine. A lot of them now come in convenient microwaveable bags that take a few minutes to cook. Yes I use my microwave and no I am not afraid of it causing cancer, but that is a whole different post. Fruits are very yummy, but should be limited to 1-2 servings a day. Bananas are great for potassium and blueberries have the highest amount of anti-oxidants.

If you or your loved one cannot eat food and has to follow a liquid diet, no problem. Look for an all-natural Whey Protein powder, usually it comes in chocolate or vanilla (read the ingredients, don’t just trust what someone says to you in a store.) I order mine from and mine is by Jamie Eason. I just searched “all natural protein powder.” It popped up and it had a list of the ingredients, which were very few and I could pronounce them all! Which brings me to my next rule of thumb. If you cannot pronounce it, don’t put it in your body.  Put the recommended amount of protein powder in a blender or smoothie mixer if you have one, and add unsweetened almond milk, 1 banana, a small handful of frozen spinach, and frozen berries. Push the button and voila! I also add powdered peanut butter once in a while, which is crushed up unsalted peanuts. The options with protein powder are endless because you can put it in just about anything!

Alcohol. I am no saint in this department so all I am going to say is use your better judgement and limit the amount. We need our liver and most of us have put it through enough, so be kind to it! Also, alcohol causes dehydration which cancer patients need no help with. So make sure you are drinking plenty of water and staying away from sugary beverages. Especially artificially sweetened. One thing that is overlooked in many patients is dental care. Many treatments take a toll on your teeth. Sweetened beverages and eating a lot of fruit will start to wear at the enamel and cause decay. I am guilty of this, and am now about $5,000 deep in dental bills trying to restore my mouth. If there was a title called professional root canal patient, I would be wearing it.


So #2 of what I asked you to please remember was balance. I may have set a record for the most chocolate eaten by a single human being. To say I love chocolate is the understatement of the century. Indulge! You only live once and you might as well enjoy it! If you are craving cake, then eat it! As long as you have the knowledge of what you are eating and how often you are indulging, limiting how often you do this will be easy as pie! oooohhh…..pie……

Anyways, I will leave with this for you  to chew on and ask any questions that may pop in your head! The sources I used were and

Also, to find out what is in season in your area, you can visit

As always, love to my fabfighters and I have missed you all very much!!! Make today count!

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Pick Your Poison!


If you follow me on Facebook, you already know what I am up to! After watching many friends and family working with medical grade oils, I decided to take the leap. I started with Frankincense and rubbed it on my head after I found out I had 12 brain tumors left after treatment. 3 months later, I had another scan, and it showed nothing but a brain! I’m a believer of miracles, mainly because I have experienced so many! I know this was one of them! I continued to use Frankincense oil and found that I was experiencing less pain and more energy. I felt like I was doing something to COMPLEMENT my modern medicinal treatments, and shortly there after realized then, hey! I am in charge!

My body scan followed naturally, and what did show?! Shrinking in my lung and stable bone mets! HOLLER! I was sold! I told my doctor to half my dose of chemotherapy and to take me off of my medications. I was just as skeptical as he was, but he reassured me that I was in charge, and if he felt it was unsafe, he would tell me. I will tell you, having to ween off of narcotics after almost 2 years of steady intake is no easy task. Today was my first full day of ween and full dosages of the oils and supplements. Besides, the occasional body tantrum from not having as much prescriptions in my system, today was by far my best day yet!


This morning, instead of popping my usual pills, I looked to my box of oils and supplements that I have and took a deep breath. I opened my DoTerra Vitality Supplements and curiously read the fronts and backs of the bottles and then opening each one to let out an earthy scent. Bottle one was to promote cell renewal by providing antioxidant protection to cellular DNA and other critical cell structures. The second bottle is Microplex VMz. I turned the bottle over to find food listed! The microplex is an all natural, whole food formula of bioavailable vitamins and minerals that are often deficient in most modern diets. This was new to me. I have never taken a food pill.. especially one containing seaweed! The last bottle had me excited because it contained frankincense! Score! This one is my omega complex. It contains essential oils with natural, marine and plant-sourced essential fatty acids. By receiving these fatty acids, my cardiovascular, immune, joint, and brain health is supported. This one is what I have always known as Fish oils, but this capsule had no fishy taste at all, thank goodness. I’m not a seafood person. I opened my last bottle which was a different type of cellular complex. I was excited to read that this also contained my good friend Frank! (Frankincense). This one is called DDR PRIME… immediately Optimus Prime came to my head, and the inner nerd in me, started talking in a robot voice to my pills about how we are going to dessimate disease! Yes I know I am special. I am okay with it. Anyways, this soft gel supports a healthy response to cellular stressors and helps to regenerate and repair cellular response as well.

I pop them all in my mouth and wash them down with water that I have added my new grapefruit oil to. Yummy! It is supposed to do the same thing that lemon does to water, and that is to alkalize it. This helps with free radicals in the body.

So basically I am complementing my chemo with some Team Earth back up support. I sat there for a minute, and after a solid burp that tasted like the inside of a hooka shop, I started my day! I couldn’t believe the amount of energy and patience I had through out the day. I was non stop! Totally Optimus Prime style! I did my laundry, washed the dishes, and basically maintained as clean of a house as you can get, with a 4 year old running around! Seriously, I even danced while I was putting my laundry away and unpacking from my visit to see family! DANCED!!! 6 months ago I was in a wheel chair contemplating who gets my shoes and Tiffany jewelry! I have to say that the energy and strength that came with just the first day was not what I had expected! I’m used to doing a task and then needing to rest before starting another one. I also have always napped pretty regularly throughout the day and today I couldn’t sit still it was amazing! I even had enough go-go juice to make it over to FINALLY see my best friend’s new baby boy! So precious… off topic, but another reminder just how amazing life is. I know they have shut down my baby factory, but I will never stop dreaming of baby #2 until my heart stops.

Why Now?

Well… good question. Basically, with stage 4 cancers, “remissions” get fewer and fewer with less time in between. I don’t exactly have the best starting rate, seeing that my cancer has always returned with a vengeance, within about 4-6 months. So when my doctor said that I am looking at another remission, that excited me and I wanted to become proactive. I mean, honestly, what do I have to  lose? The worst case scenerio is that it comes back like normal, and my hope is that maybe I can push my remissions a little longer, which is basically unheard of, buuuuuuuuuttttt so am I. It is an option I have yet to try and it has forced me to make healthier decisions all around, mainly my eating habits. I’m a measly 110 pounds, but instead of grabbing a cookie, I think about how much money and time I have invested in my oils and supplements, and all of a sudden an orange or melon looks amazing!

I have recently become a DoTerra Consultant and figure that, hey, if this works for me, I am only doing my fellow fighters a favor by opening their eyes to the what if?! I have a passion with working with fellow cancer patients as a patient advocate and Look Good Feel Better instructor, and oils are a natural way of maintaining mood or pain or whatever ailment might appear, without adding more meds. Which every fighter appreciates. Trust me! This also ties in with my love for yoga! Some of the other oils I have now are uplifting for the mood, or help calm you down for the night. So I lay my mat out, bring my diffuser in and pop a few drops in before beginning my practice. Maybe one day I can add “yoga instructor” to my list of certifications/passions! I’ve wanted to become one for about 10 years now and God had always pushed me into a different direction. It’s always fun when you start to see WHY, and watch your life slowly come together. Who knows… I could be posting on this blog 10 years from now…

Change of Plans

I was going to post every day for 30 days, but I figure it might seem slightly repetitive, so I have decided to post day 1, today, and then I will update you after my next scan!

Be open to new options like clinical trials, acupuncture, massage therapy, yoga therapy, complementary options such as medical grade oils. If you are skeptical, see what your physician has to say. Mine fights with me, and most do, so they will always want the best for you! Remember, you aren’t just fighting cancer, you are the future of cancer treatment! Sleep tight and don’t give up the fight!!!!

When Chocolate Is Your Answer!

Hello everyone!! We made it to 2015!! It may have been an uphill battle, but you are here and I am so thankful for that! I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays and were able to sneak in a glass or two of an adult beverage 🙂 If you went out, and felt beautiful, or if you stayed home and felt beautiful, please feel free to comment with a picture of your beautiful little self!!!! What did I do? I sat on my couch with my daughter and enjoyed me some adult footie pajamas! They are even zebra print, as if adult footies couldn’t get any better!


So here’s my deal. I haven’t wrote on my blog in some time, because I never premeditate a title. I pray over my blog because this idea was given to me through prayer, I want all of the titles to come through my prayers. So of course, per usual, when I need Jesus most, he runs away! I’m just kidding, but I do know we all share that same feeling to some extent! He took His time, of course… that whole “On God’s Time” doesn’t ever work well with me. Hint: Never pray for patience! He will give you something to be patient about to LEARN patience, he doesn’t just hand it over… I have even offered Him my favorite pair of heels…. yeah he doesn’t take bribes I guess…

Anyways, I was eating my Christmas treats that my husband got me! My favorite Dove Chocolates with Caramel inside!!! I looked down at the wrapper and the light bulb finally turned on!

20150106_173245“Write a real letter, not just an email.”

It reminded me of my husband’s grandfather, oddly enough. “Grandpa Norm” wrote letters all of the time. He wrote love letters to “Grandma Seymour,” He wrote to his 12 children and even his grandchildren. I have had the honor of reading one of the letters that my husband, Alec, received from him. He was a very unconventional writer, which made it even more interesting. Grandpa Norm talked about what was going on in the world, he wrote about the many qualities he sees in Alec, and future plans about spending time together on cars, or the workshop (he was an amazing carpenter). It was neat because, it wasn’t a typical letter where you write to someone about how amazing they are, or what they mean to you. It was a living letter. A little bit about Grandpa Norm, a little bit about the worldly changes, a little about Alec and a plan to get together. Grandpa Norm’s letters made me think of three things right away. That is awesome that he would correct himself with red pen and send the original with the corrections! What ever happened to snail mail?! The third thought was the birth of my letter book to my daughter called Letters To Cambria. There is just something about a letter from a loved one’s handwriting that carries on with us. It’s like the next best thing to hear their voice. You run your fingers across the letter and feel the indentations from the pen and the folds from the many years you had it stored away. Grandpa Norm left a legacy, whether he meant to or not. Now I follow in his footsteps as I hand write my letters to my precious girl.



What is a Legacy?

From my understanding, a legacy is something of importance that has been passed down, creating a memory from our loved ones. My daughter will be able to have these memories forever and know how much I really love her. She won’t have to hear it from her daddy’s mouth or anyone else, cancer gives us that gift of preparation. Whether it’s a week or a day or 10 years. What is your legacy? How would you like to be remembered?

Happy Anniversary to Me…

Today, 3 years ago, I received the news that no one wants to hear, nor wish upon their worst enemy. My mother-in-law held my feet to keep me from shaking during the biopsy. Not 2 hours later, I answered the call from the surgeon telling me to come back in. She said, and I quote, “So what are your plans now?” We replied, “Well we are leaving tomorrow for North Carolina to check into our first base!” Surgeon said, “Well you’ll need to rearrange those plans because my dear, you have cancer.” Alec grabbed my leg and looked at me, fighting back his fears and only showing strength in his eyes. The doctor left the room to get my pathology report and plan for surgery. Once she left, I stood up and hugged Alec as tight as I could, “I don’t want to die… I’m not ready to go … Alec I don’t want to die.” He just rubbed my head and kissed my forehead to try and calm me down. I knew nothing about cancer. I knew that old people get it and they die from it. That’s it. I was in for surgery on January 16, for a double mastectomy and lymph node dissection where they removed 13 of my lymph nodes. They determined it had left the original site, and is now in my nodes.

That day, I cried all the way from the appointment and all I could say was why me? I am so mad right now I hate this!!!! This is not how my life was supposed to go!!!!!! WHAT THE F*&%!!!!!!!! I pounded on the window and punched the seat. I just turned 24 like 8 months ago… I have a baby! This doesn’t happen to people like me! I have a good life. I went back to our father-in-law’s house where we were staying temporarily, until we left for NC. Watching my husband leaving for our new home, was harder than hearing I had cancer. He was gone for 11 months, and it never got easier for me. Now I sat on the porch step and cried because we were going to turn it into a mini vacation and once again I had to watch him leave. After I healed from my mastectomy, I made my way to North Carolina and absolutely could not wait! February 8, 2012, I started chemotherapy and it’s all history from there! The longest break or “remission” I have had is 4 months. I continue to fight, and following God’s plan for me. I beg Him to use me every day when I wake up, and I’ve realized that just because you are 24, doesn’t mean you are invincible. Cancer doesn’t discriminate. It will take everything you let it.

You are going to have days, no matter your strength, where you are going to be upset. On Christmas day, I held my daughter as she hugged me and all I could do was cry, knowing that the chances of me being here for her next one is very very very slim. I pray every time I hug her that she will remember my love, and I pray that He lets me remember what my Cami Lou’s touch feels like. IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO START YOUR LEGACY!!! It doesn’t matter if you have no kids or you are not married. Is it an event you want to start that helps with donations? Is it to be a patient advocate? Is it to write a book? Whatever you are called to do to leave your footprint on Earth, do it. You won’t regret it, and oddly enough, when you get involved with others fighting this mess, you feel as though you are defeating cancer. Yes, it will take my life, but it won’t stop me from fulfilling my dreams. Always remember to have a little fun… life isn’t supposed to be that serious 😉

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The Fight

What is the fight? I hear it a lot throughout my fight with cancer. “Keep fighting!” “Fight like a girl” “Your fight inspires me to fight.”

Unfortunately you will also hear words like “I lost my mother today, she fought for a long time and just didn’t have it in her anymore.”

Okay so what does this word mean to the many many people who are fighting disease and chronic illnesses? In my opinion fight is an emotion. It’s after you get through the shock, the pain, the acceptance, the fatigue, losing faith, depression, anxiety. Fight is the gain of reality and what you are going to do about it. It is  underneath all  the rest that will bring out your level of intensity  that you never knew you had or needed. It is the gentle push when you are staring at the release forms, do not sign? You may be ill and never know why, but with Fight, you don’t need to know. You just trust and proceed.

Is Fight For Everyone?

The answer to that is no. I am not going to go into detail because it has turned into quite the controversial topic, and I vow to keep my posts positive and helpful. If you don’t live under a rock, you have read the story about that beautiful young woman who was diagnosed with brain cancer. In the state she lived in, there was a way where she could control her form and date of death, instead of doing treatment and seeing if she could fall into the small chance of a longer life. I have to admit, the first time I read this story I was irrate! She had one large brain tumor, I had over 50. They gave her 6 months, I had 3 months… 11 months ago. There was a 0% chance of my tumors to go away, yet there was a small percentage that they may stabilize.  I looked at my life, as I am sure the same way this young woman did. I had memories of my marriage, watching my brothers grow into men, my daughter, watching my husband thrive in his career. What would my family think? What would God think? What do I think? Through out my thoughts, I could hear Fight whispering in my ear, saying come on Kasey… WHAT IF… what if?

I proceeded with full brain radiation and today, 11 months later…almost a year actually, I am here to say that not only did my brain cancer stabilize, but my 6 month brain scan showed…. not one teeny tiny, sneaky little tumor up there. My doctor had my scans reread just in case and actually called me nothing short of a miracle. He had never seen them just be gone without more variations of radiation.

The young woman saw her diagnosis, felt the pain I did, I can imagine was very afraid, thought about her memories and felt it wasn’t fair to put her loved ones through watching her die. Does that make me selflish or her? Or neither?

Fight. We don’t all get to that point of emptiness, and if we do it can be very easy to ignore sometimes. So next time you hear FIGHT ON! FIGHT LIKE A GIRL or simply your fight inspires me, understand what that word means. It means these people can feel your pain, they know you have changed from what the world has shown you. They want you to keep going. Not for them, because this isn’t a show. They want you to keep going because Fight radiates from you like nothing you can describe. It is the way you walk into the chemo room and read your book. It’s not allowing you to defeat your day, but know you get to go home after this and be mommy.

There is a poem out there and I don’t remember it, but I hate it. I believe it is called cancer cannot take… It talks about how cancer can’t take your soul, it can’t take memories, it can’t take your pride.

I am here to tell you that not only CAN cancer take that, but it has taken from me before. It will invade anything you let it, consciously or subconsciously. Fight. That is where fight comes in. You carry on for the sake of your soul reviving and strengthening your faith. You go on to reach more moments and memories. You go on because you made it this far. The hardest part is the diagnosis.

Fight is not something we all carry. Fear is the other F word, and we have all felt and still do feel fear often, but if you allow it, it will eat your fight like chicken fried rice.

Yes crying your eyes out in the bathroom is Fight. Screaming at God is Fight. Punching the wall is Fight. Simply staring off in space is Fight. Feeling like you want to quite is Fight. Acceptance is Fight. Courage is Fight. Knowing you are taking literally, the biggest chance of your life is fight. Do I know how much longer I have? No. I do however choose to fight for any and every moment no matter how big or small. No matter if it’s just another episode of my favorite tv show! I choose to give it to God. h

Have you felt Fight? Do you feel like you are down to the bitter nothing? You are close to Fight. Fight on now my Fabulous Fighter. I love you fabfighters!

Today I started chemo again after my AMAZING chemo break full of laundry, dishes, picking up after my husband and child! Which annoyingly felt kind of good to be able to move around a little bit. Anyways, my nurses made me do the dougie with another awesome patient before I could start my chemo! So here it is! Warning, cancer may have stole my awesome legs and booty but this girl has moves! I fought for those!!!


The Family You Never Knew You Needed

Well it’s been a while! This fight has been tough, and sleep has been great! I am back and excited to share all that has been going on! I kept beating myself up for not writing, but there is a reason for everything and I kept gaining more and more information and feeling for this topic as time went on!

I remember my first day of chemotherapy. Not really knowing what to expect and nervous/scared beyond words. I looked around at all of the strangers hooked up just like me. Some slept, some played games with their spouse, and some were actually laughing. Yes laughing. I put my head back and imagined the medicine getting all of the bad cells and closed my eyes. A nurse came over and asked me how I was feeling. I told her scared and wondered what reconstruction would look like. Trying to remain positive. Well my friends, that’s when I learned it’s okay to laugh. She pulled my curtain closed and within a blink of an eye I was staring at her reconstructed breasts! Talk about an ice breaker! For the first time, I felt like I wasn’t alone. I felt like I wasn’t the only one going through this mess. She pulled up a stool and shared her story with me.

Every time I would come in, I learned a few more names of the nurses. I started to loosen up a little (this is a very slow process for me). With a disease like cancer, you are really never away from your cancer center for more than a couple of weeks, and it will quickly become your home away from home. If you don’t feel this with the medical staff and your physician, you are at the wrong place.

Building My Family

One by one, I would meet someone new. The first person I clung to was my friend Jeni. She was slightly younger than me, which in a very odd way was very refreshing. It didn’t take long for us to share how much we love Target and in fact, cancer never even came up. Believe it or not, I started to look forward to cancer treatments. We would find out when each of us were coming in and we would try to be there together. After almost two years of fighting side by side, Jeni became really sick and was in the hospital. I would visit her as much as possible and watch Golden Girls with her and just sit. Not too long after that, she passed away. The realities of cancer set in for me, and oddly enough, it eased my fear of death. I saw her hurting and the day before I found out she died, I heard her say” I am okay Kasey.” No one wants to die, but when the fear of it all is removed it’s much easier to accept. It took me a while to really open up and a few treatments later, I knew all the nurses names, I felt like my doctor was my best friend and we were a team! I could walk around that whole facility and just chat with anyone. Since then, I have met amazing people who are far beyond their cancer. Although they are terminal like me, they choose not to focus on it. We sit and plan our chemos together and laugh. One of my friends and I talk about motorcycles the entire time while his wife rolls her eyes because she hates that he still rides! We joke about what kind of motorcycle Jesus will be riding. I vote an Indian, and not the new ones! We talk about how awesome it will be to be able to ride forever and not have to worry about getting hurt or running out of gas! Another friend of mine is an amazing artist and works with carpentry, he gave a beautiful picture of Jesus he made and it hangs on my wall. While visiting family in Michigan, I turned and could see the fear in this woman’s face. I grabbed her hand and played Mississippi Mass Choir, God’s on your side. She closed her eyes and tears streamed down her cheek. I gave her a prayer blanket and dropped off the CDs for her to have when she starts to feel fear again. The point of this is to know how important it is to know you are not alone. You will see people surpass you and be “cured.” You’ll watch them go on with the life you were supposed to have and that hurts. It’s supposed to. Once you reel it back in and realize that no matter how bad you want it, it’s not what is in store for you, you’ll remember all that you have gained. Healing comes in many ways.


Over the past three years of my fight, I have opened my heart to more people than I can count. I’ve lost some and I’ve gained some. This is my family. The family I never wanted to be a part of, and never knew how bad I needed. You begin to fight for each other, making sure the other is taken care of. You stay in touch with the spouse or children  when God calls their loved one to heaven. Instead of being fearful of my next treatment, I can’t wait to see my buddies and hug them all. Talk about their grandkids, or their new reconstruction! See new tattoos that they got and sometimes to hear about how upset they are and ready to go. Regardless of what we talk about, we understand. We get it and no matter what, we support each other. These people may not know it, but every time I see the faces in that room, I am inspired. I feel like I am home. I go around and hug them, ask them how they are doing. I go and mess with the nurses and make sure to give them a hard time! I have to say that cancer is probably one of the worst diseases, but it can be the best thing that’s ever happened. You never lose touch with people, whether they finish chemotherapy or they remain forever fighters like myself. A bond is built that can never be broken. An understanding is formed where someone doesn’t even have to speak and you know what kind of day they are having. We always listen to each other and we know to never take each other’s time for granted. Every time we see each other it’s as exciting as the last.


This family has inspired me beyond cancer. I have learned to look beyond the disease and remain active. They are the reason I became certified as an instructor for the Look Good Feel Better program. I would hear women talk to me about how they hate their wig, or they have no idea how to tie a scarf, or how they simply just want to feel pretty again. I felt I could use my cosmetology background and help them. By doing this, I felt like my disease had a purpose and those smiles will be imprinted in my head forever! I am working toward possibly being a patient advocate and helping those who are so beyond overwhelmed and meeting them in person. The most exciting thing that is happening right now is that I am working with a few of my nurses and in mid-January I will be throwing an event called “Hometown Heroes.” Everything has been donated by local business, we will be showing you 15 survivors and 15 fighters, with their hair and make up done for them. Wigs have also been donated. It is their day to shine. Olive Garden not only donated all of the food, but servers as well so that they feel extra special! The entire county is invited to see face-to-face the people they are donating to. It isn’t going to a big corporation, donations are staying at home. 100% will go to my cancer center. They have helped me with grocery money, gas money, financial assistance, counseling and so on. How often do you get to see the ACTUAL faces that will receive your donation?! This is also an opportunity to see how strong my cancer family is and to help promote the local businesses that we have and love!


Very recently, I had one of my worst days. My nurse came and got me out of the chemo room and I did chemo in her office while I cried and vented to her about how tired I am of this mess. We are not going to be strong every day. This isn’t a movie where we smile all the time and nothing hurts. Everyone has days where they feel lost and confused. I don’t think I got out of bed for the next couple of days, but you will come back around. You will do it for your own family, your cancer family, and most of all for yourself. You are beautiful.


10527849_10100492773265740_6669020058193559387_nmy aunt Mel and me… forever fighters!

20140502_100553some of team UNC

1010326_10100411841758130_1412461556_nsome of team SMOC!